Grumpy mornings turn into happy evenings – Day 6, Rishikesh, India

20^th of April 2015 – Day 6, Rishikesh, India

It’s 9:16 pm here in Rishikesh and in 45 minutes I should be in my bed sleeping. I had a terrible sleep last night because of an angry little dog who didn’t stop barking all night long. Since I am here it’s the same story every single day and night. This little buddy cannot stand any of the stray dogs passing in front of his owners’ house. The worst thing is that he’s staying exactly under my window, so every night I wake up hundreds of time…But this morning was awful. Since I slept very badly, I woke up very grumpy, my eyes were hurting and I couldn’t focus at all at our first practical class of pranayama or breathing exercices in order to control the prana, the vital energy that makes our body work. Today we learned about kapalabhati and bhastrika pranayamas. Kapalabhati has a cleansing effect on the lungs and is a good practice for respiratory disorders. According to traditional Hatha yoga this practice is not under pranayamas, but kryas because it cleanses the body. In the same time kapalabhati strengthens the nervous system and it energizes the mind for mental work and keeps you young, according to our teacher’s sayings. Bhastrika is similar to kapalbhati but it uses force on both inhalation and exhalation.

I was not in good shape for the Ashtanga class neither since my energy was very low, but somehow the fact that teacher is so nice and I like her so much, motivated me to do my best and enjoy the class. I like her so much! She is always smiling. She is funny, making fun of us when she sees us completely exhausted or struggling in the poses, but being so gentle and kind in the same time. I love that she is pushing me to do more. I cannot believe that after only 6 days here I am already able to do some poses that I thought they are way too difficult for me.

We continued working on the primary series of Ashtanga Vinyasa, but still didn’t finish all the poses. Everyone was sweaty and exhausted after the class, but we keep on going.

It is so hot here that I feel like taking a shower every one hour. I will definitely appreciate the Goteborg weather when I am going back to Sweden. I used to be that kind of person that loved summers, but now I prefer to be in between, just “lagom” as they would say in Swedish.

The good thing about doing Ashtanga yoga in 34 degrees C is that it increases my flexibility and I can go deeper in some poses. Every single class I sweat like a pig but it feels awesome to have such an energizing flow.

We usually have our meals on the balcony under our tree which serves as a house for many green little parrots. Never before I have spent so many days eating bare foot in a lotus position. In fact we are almost always bare foot since in the shala and in the kitchen we are not allowed to use our shoes. I don’t like the fact that my feet are always dirty even thought I am obsessive compulsive and wash them a few times a day, but I love that I feel them so fresh and free.

Today I also did some washing (aka karma yoga). I use to wash certain clothes by hand but it’s been definitely a long time since I did all my washing by hand. As they get dirty so easily I have to do that quite often so this is how I spend some of our breaks…

Now let’s go to the lectures part. Today we talked about the bhandas which are extremely useful when practicing the asanas as they help you to find the proper alignment in the pose. We discussed the benefits and the limitations for each bhanda and then in the philosophy class we continued our discussion about the four periods in the history of yoga.

The teacher explained to us that Isuara which means God in Sanskrit, contains three Lords: Brahma (the Creator), Vishnu (the Protector) and Shiva (the Destructor). Many spiritual practices talk about the trinity. He also told us about the nine avatars (incarnations) of Lord Vishnu. It seems that Buddha is considered one of them which I didn’t know before.

He made a little introduction about Patanjali and his 196 yoga sutras which were written around 3000 years ago. Patanjali wrote about a system which is known as Raja yoga (the royal yoga) or Ashtanga yoga, the eight limbs discipline of yoga.

In the afternoon’s hatha yoga class we continued our work in learning proper alignment, learning how to recognize the proper pose and the wrong pose and how to correct it. It proves to be so difficult to adjust yourself properly. I always liked the beauty of details and how one small detail can make such a big difference. We learned about a correct backbend, forward bend and how to avoid shoulder injury in a plank position. We ended the class with an arms strengthening pose (handstand with legs up the wall) and some pranayama exercises.

In the evening I got surrounded again by all the children from the neighborhood asking me to give them 10 Rupees or to buy them biscuits. It is a strange feeling to be seen as a walking $ every time you are on the street. It gets quite awkward when they surround me and they start grabbing my purse, touching or pushing, continuously asking for money.

Even though it’s been an awful start of the day, I feel very good right now. I feel that little by little I am adapting to the new climate and I start to enjoy. Today I definitely felt much more adapted than yesterday.

I feel happy and ready to sleep! Oh no! But that little buddy starts barking again!

Sometimes all you want is someone who sings the same song as you – Day 5,Rishikesh, India

Sunday, April 19^th, 2015 – Day 5, Rishikesh, India

As there are no classes on Sunday, I went for a walk in the town and try to see a bit of India. All day long we are either in the shala, in the kitchen during breaks or in our rooms, so I didn’t have the chance to see much of this town since I arrived. This is a town of 102 138 people which is more like a village for Indian standards.

It was terribly hot today, maybe around 34 Celsius degrees. It is dusty, polluted and hot. I finished 2 l of water in less than an hour and I still felt dehydrated.

Since we are talking about a holy city so close to the Himalayas, I was expecting it to be less noisy and less dirty, but it’s not. It’s full of cars, scooters and holy cows of course. People are driving cars even on pedestrian narrow streets. One must always look back to check if there is some car or scooter coming. Since here people do not follow any rules and they drive on both sides (even though theoretically they should drive on the left) a walk into the town proves to be quite stressful for me. The town is not charming at all and it is very dirty which of course is shocking for my European eyes. Even though I was aware of that, once you are here you realize that the only think that prepares you is experience.

I guess I will try to see a bit of the nature since the Himalayas are close. There must be much more fun out there than in the town.

Tourist shops are everywhere and of course people ask 5 times more than the real value of that object. Together with two girls from my group we checked out some shops. We found some nice ones who have nice incense sticks, massage oils, Ayurveda cosmetics, colorful clothes and some cute statues of Indian Gods.

Funniest thing of today: Something that I never experienced before it was being asked by strangers to take a picture with them.  Many people asked if they can take a picture with us and it felt so awkward and funny in the same time. I am used to more or less blend in in the places I have visited until now, but here that is not possible since I cannot hide the fact that I am not local. First I wanted to say no, but that could have been very rude so I confronted the awkwardness of the situation and just took a picture with them.

For the first time in my life I wish I could blend in and that’s not possible. Everywhere I go people turn and look at you just because you look different. Indians like foreigners. One of the guys participating in this program is Indian and one of these evenings while we were talking I told him I wish I could hide so that I don’t get those looks and then he says: “Why hide? Nonsense! We Indians, we love foreigners.”

After smelling different incense sticks, we then crossed the Ganges and we went on the other side of the river. We had some fresh juice at a Café called The Little Buddha which apparently is quite popular among foreigners. Then I ordered a salad even though I was still skeptical whether it will be safe of not to eat uncooked vegetables in that place. As I was craving for some fresh veggies I decided to have it but luckily I had it take away. When I arrived at the school, one of the girls from my 200h group tells me that her sister got sick last night because of a mango lassi she had exactly in that place where I bought the salad. I followed her advice and asked our teacher’s opinion whether it is safe or not to eat it. He said that it’s better not to since that place is not very trustful for foreigners’ stomach ( as a matter of fact you guys don’t want to know how that place’s kitchen looks like). But what do you do when you have no option? What do you do when you feel you are becoming obsessive compulsive about hygiene and the funny part is that you have all the reasons to do so?

I feel very sad that I have to be extra careful with everything I eat. I wish I could be more relaxed but unfortunately it is not possible. The last thing I need right now is to get sick and not being able to attend the classes. Everything is so intense that I can not afford the luxury to be ill.

So in the end my teacher was very kind and he offered me some beetroots, cucumbers, a carrot and two amazing oranges so that I could have some lunch as well. I made myself a salad as Hela’s mom used to make when I was living at their place in Tunis: beetroots with oranges (olive oil was missing, but I managed do not thing too much about that) which tasted like nostalgia and happiness in the same time. Then I made another one with the rest of the other veggies. The oranges here look very different from what I had until now. They are almost double the size of a lemon, but round and they are yellowish with a bit of greenish as well, but the taste is amazing! They are soooo good!

At 7 pm we had our dinner: chapatti, dhal and rice again. What a surprise! I’ve never before had so many lentils and so much rice so many days in a row! Here I learn to appreciate even more that it is important to eat the things that you like and spoil yourself sometimes, but still it should never be used as entertainment. My family though me to appreciate the food on our table and I hate throwing away food. It gives me huge pain and it makes me feel ashamed when sometimes I have to throw away food that I kept for too long in the fridge. Somehow India helps me appreciate even more the fact I have food on my dinner table.

Tomorrow starts a new week and they are going to introduce a new class about anatomy. Yay! Looking forward to study some basics about the amazing human body.

As a conclusion for today, it is wonderful to overcome your fears and go outside your comfort zone where all the magic happens, but I realize now that you cannot feel like that all the time. It is so important to have around you people that sing the same song as you. They say that the only constant thing in life is change and yoga says the same. I feel like India helps me meet with the woman I’ve become and I was not totally aware of it.

Om Vande Gurunam…Day 4, Rishikesh, India

18^th of April 2015 – Day 4, Yoga TTC in Rishikesh, India

We started our day with another session of Kundalini meditation, followed by a sweaty and energizing Ashtanga pass and then breakfast. For some reason my favorite part of this ttc are the mornings. I woke up fresh and ready to kick the day.

The Ashtanga pass gives me lots of energy with all those jumps back and forward, chaturangas, crazy twists, balancing poses and stretching asanas. It is hot in the shala now that the temperatures are starting to rise even more, but then it becomes even hotter during the practice. Now I understand why majority of the Ashtanga yoga teachers wear so tiny pieces of clothes. Moreover it helps you to stretch and twist better therefore go deeper into the pose. As it is hotter my flexibility is also increasing and I am able to do some poses that I wasn’t aware I can do. The teacher is awesome and I love her so much! Always with a big smile, so strict, so funny and so gentle in the same time! Today she thought us the opening and closing mantras of the Ashtanga yoga practice. The opening Ashtanga yoga mantra goes like this:

Om Vande Gurunam Charanarvinde

Sandarsita Svatna Sukhava bodhe

Nih Sreyase Jangalikayamane

Samsara halahala Moh-Santyai

Abahu Purushakaram

Sankhacha krasi dharinam

Sahasara Sirasam Svetan

Pranamani Pantanjalim

Om Santih, Santih, Santih

So after two hour of practice, it feels like the breakfast is well deserved. This morning we had a wonderful fruit salad (papaya, bananas, raisins, watermelon) and oats porridge with almonds and coconut bites. This is actually the only plain food that we have during the day.

During the 11 am lecture we continued our discussion which we started yesterday about kriyas or cleansing practices which yogis have used for centuries in order to cleanse the inner organs and to eliminate toxins accumulated in the body. The 6 major kriyas are called sat kriyas and they are the following:

1) Basti (lower GIT)

2) Neti (upper nasal track, from the throat to nostrils)

3) Trataka (eyesight)

4) Kapalabhati (lower repiratory track, from the nostrils to the lungs)

5) Dhouti (upper gastrointestinal tract up to the stomach)

6) Nauli (abdominal viscera)

These kriyas are supposed to stimulate the system, give deep rest to the organ stimulated and relax the person who practice it. They desensitize the possible hypersensitive reactions in the pathway, build stamina and forbearance capacity.

We were also thought “Mrtyunjaya matra” which is one the mantras which are sung every day after some lectures or asana practice. It goes like this:

Om tryambakam yajamahe sugandhim

Pustivardhanam urvarukamiva bandhanat

Mirtyormuksiya maamrtat

Om Santih Santih Santih

(We offer our salutations to the third Lord (Shiva) for increasing the vitality and fragrance in us; to release us from the bondage of death as effortlessly as a ripe cucumber falls out of its creeper automatically.)

Some of us were asked to sing it and I was one of the lucky people. Apparently I prove to be quite good at singing in Sanskrit. Hah!

In the afternoon we continued our discussion about the six branches of Indian philosophy. Yogi G told us that they are split in two:

• Atheist ( Charuat, Jain, Buddhist)
• Theist (Sankaya, Yoga,Niyaye,Besesik,Vedanta)

In the yoga sutras Patanjali says that yoga is “chitta vritti nirodhah” which means “no modification of the mind” or balance in every aspect. When there is no modification of the mind, one can be 100% peaceful, with no thoughts.

Having its origin in in the Vedas (Veda=knowledge) and Sankhaya philosophy of the Indian culture, yoga is about 8000 years old.

Yoga also means union and it’s the science of self-realization and says that we are all part of the cosmos.

We ended the day with hatha yoga, continuing our discussion about proper alignment in different asanas of the primary series.

A Romanian between the West and the East – Day 3, Rishikesh, India

April 17^th 2015 – Day 3, Rishikesh, India

Even though Rishikesh has always been a meditation place in India (The Himalayas are the birthplace of yoga), it became known to the western world after the Beatles came here to stay at an ashram. After their visit many Americans and Western Europeans (more or less hippies) started to travel to Rishikesh in search of something what yoga could maybe give to them.

I talked to a woman who first time came to India 20 years ago and since then she keeps coming every year. 10 years ago you would find no western toilet, no yoga school, and no shower in this place, but since foreigners started to travel more and more, this place changed so much. Now there are too many options from where to choose. You walk on some streets and there is a hotel, a yoga school, another hotel, another yoga school and so on.

I grew up in Romania where people are not ashamed to talk about spirituality, where many have beliefs and express them, but don’t try to persuade others that their religion is the supreme thing. Some people might be skeptical about accepting new concepts just because they have never been in a situation where they could experience such things. Comparing to the West, spirituality (not necessarily going to the church every Sunday, but believing there is something stronger than our limited possibilities to see) was part of the everyday life in my little Eastern European home country. It served as a guide for many centuries of oppression and hard life situations. In any place one can find not so good examples, but I am not guiding my life on bad examples, but on the way originally it was.

I grew up in a place where I had natural food (and never called it organic) and I might have not appreciated it when I was a child, fascinated about colorful packages. Even though, I was predominantly eating real food prepared by my parents. I have never been a child that was obsessed about candies and other processed sugary products, just because it tasted like rubbish compared to our homemade stuff. Moreover my body was rejecting such products and it still does.

I grew up in a place where many people work hard and struggle to build themselves a better life so I know how to appreciate the life I have the privilege to live just the way I want to live it. I tried to learn from their own experiences. I am not perfect and sometimes I might get lost and complain about things that maybe are not that important to think too much about them, but I try to do my best and see the things that really matter in life.

As an outsider who has been living in 4 different cultures until now, I could say that Romania for me is between the West and the East and I am so much grateful I was born there. I am grateful how growing up there has shaped my life philosophy and my personality.

Here in India I see people who are struggling and maybe don’t have a roof above their head and it makes you feel strange and uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have the same impact as it maybe has on a Western European or American who is not used to that. I am also sad when I see people that have so little compared to me and don’t complain, but I have seen such situations before.

One of the reasons why Rishikesh and other such locations are popular among some Westerners is that it offers them the chance to see themselves and get a touch of the real life and make them appreciate the life they have. Hard life situations shape your personality and the way you see life. When you don’t have too many of them, it is very easy to build your own little perfect world and pretend there is nothing bad out there. On the other hand there are rich Indians who don’t even try to bother about the poverty in India and consider it normal. It’s hard for me to understand how can some Indians complain about the size of European bathrooms and not care that some people in their country are starving and don’t have a roof above their head. It happened to me and I was speechless…

I saw foreigners who walk bare foot, dress like locals and are not so much clean (to say) and honestly I do not really get that. How does it help you see life better? It gives me a strange feeling when I see hippies wanting to be locals.

I have a feeling that many of them might be those lost souls, who do not know who they are, what they want from this life and they wander in search of that supreme feeling of happiness.

It is very easy to get impressed and brainwashed if you do not know who you are.

It is very easy to preach how wonderful is to walk bare foot, not wash yourself and live with two pieces of clothes a few weeks or months of the year, but then go back to your Western comfort.

It feels uncomfortable when you pretend to be someone else and you do not even know it. I cannot really describe how the sight of it makes me feel.

I don’t compare myself to other people, but I like to observe and I believe anyone can be a teacher. If you keep your eyes open you might learn very much from them.

I feel peaceful that I know who I am and I know what I want from my life. At only 28 years old I am aware of who I am and I am grateful for that. I am grateful for all the beautiful experiences in my life and for the people I love and they love me back. I am grateful for my family. I am happy that I didn’t come to India to discover all these things, but I came here to have a different experience, to continue my quest for learning and to go outside my comfort zone. We are never learning when we don’t try to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. I came here because I wanted to get the whole yoga story from the people that invented it and this doesn’t mean I will take things for granted without questioning and analyzing before. What I discover right now it’s that child who is still so much eager to learn and in the same time that woman who is ready to jump to the next chapter in her life.

I am so much happy I have a clean house and a loving husband waiting for me in Gothenburg! And I am so grateful for that! What could I ask more from life? I have everything!

Don’t lose yourself, find the purpose in the chaos! – Day 2, Rishikesh, India

Day 2 – April 16th 2015

Today’s keyword is “purpose”. Why am I here? Why did I cross half the world to do all these? Why?

After a good night sleep and a beautiful morning I am starting to feel so much better and to finally get over that feeling that this is not really my lifestyle and I am not 100% comfortable. Maybe the food is not my thing, maybe the habits, maybe some local rules, maybe the course’s content is not something that I will 100% follow and integrate into my practice or agree with. Maybe…BUT I came here with a purpose. Let’s not forget that very important aspect, even though it is not easy at all.

This morning from 7 until 8 am we had Kundalini meditation which is one of the 300 meditation techniques invented by Osho. This consisted in 15 minutes of shaking your body with your eyes closed which is activating the body and has energizing properties( shaking your hands and your legs, remaining with the hills on the floor or on your tiptoes), then 15 minutes of dancing in your own way with your eyes closed, on some beautiful Asian flute sounds. After all these we had to sit in a lotus position, close our eyes and meditate for about 15 minutes. At the end of the class, we were lying down on our back in Savasana for another 15 minutes. This active meditation felt really amazing and I felt super energized afterwards, just ready for the Ashtanga morning class. I liked very much Abhinaj’s (the teacher) way of explaining (we will be having classes with 4 different teachers).

Then I enjoyed my first chai masala in India (I didn’t dare to taste it earlier because the combination of tea with milk is not really my thing, but I was ok).

The first Ashtanga pass (from 8 until 10 am) was great! For Ashtanga class we have an Indian girl as a teacher and I really love her teaching style. I feel I fall in love with this style of yoga more and more. I love the challenges and I love that it puts my blood into movement. I love the combinations of being strong both mentally and physically and how the two of them go hand in hand. All my work done previously on the primary series of Ashtanga yoga, Hatha yoga and weight lifting has proven to be so much worth. I was mentally and physically prepared and this helps me to deepen my knowledge and develop my practice instead of starting from the beginning.

In our group there are people from all levels. Some of them have only a few months of experience, others more than 5 years.

I believe it is nice to be spontaneous and let things take by surprise, but in certain situations, since I am not here for tourism but to do a teachers training, it is much better to prepare yourself before deciding to attend such course. You cannot get strong or so much flexible in just a month and since we are in the birth place of yoga it is a pity not to deepen the practice more.

In our first lecture we were told about the meaning of mantras and why they are traditionally used in yoga. Mantra means cosmic sound or cosmic vibration. People sing them for purification, positive energy, in order to activate the chakras, to awaken kundalini, to have positive vibrations and protect themselves from negativity.

What is OM (or AUM)?

Om is Nada (cosmic sound). AAA represents Brahma, the generator or the body. When it is sang you feel a vibration from the toes to the lumbar area. UUU represents Vishnu, the operator or the breath. The vibration is felt in the upper part of the body. MMM represents Manesh or Shiva, the destroyer or the mind. The vibration is felt in the face and in the brain.

Since we are in India and we learn yoga from the people who invented it, mantras are in the everyday practice. They are sang at the beginning and the ending of each class.

Today we were thought about Shanti mantra and Gyatri mantra from the Vedas.

In the first philosophy class we discussed about what the word philosophy means, the difference between the western and Indian philosophy, the difference between yoga and religion and why yoga is not a religion, the yoga philosophy. Yogi G (Jogendra Mishra), our philosophy teacher is one of those people with only two pieces of clothes. Apparently he used to teach for university students but 15 years ago he decided to move to Rishikesh and live a yogi life.

According to what he is saying, one who lives like a true yogi, must believe either in God or at least in the soul.

He made a comparison between western philosophy which is mostly based on logic and the mind and Indian philosophy which is based on what one experiences, feels or sees. “One does not practice yoga, but lives yoga.”

Yoga cannot become a religion because does not follow rules or conditions, says Yogi G.

What I am experiencing until now in the philosophy class is very much spiritual and sometimes it feels very uncomfortable, since it feels more like brainwashing than discution. We are talking about God, about Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva. Indian philosophy is so complex and complicated for me to understand in just a few weeks. Where do you draw the line between Hinduism and yoga philosophy?

It felt very uncomfortable when he started to speak badly of all religions, claiming that all religions encourage people to fight and they are all hypocrites. That priests, imams etc are just cowards. According to the definition of the word hypocrite is someone who pretends to believe or to be in a certain way, when in fact he thinks or is in another way. So how can you say that everyone is a hypocrite when there are people that are not at all taking things into extreme, but they believe so strong in something (and I am not talking about brainwashing here) and they do their best to get to the best version of themselves and not harm anyone, just build a better life for themselves and for the ones around them? In any place you will find people that pretend and are being fake, but to say that everyone is a hypocrite is a little bit too much and it’s offending. I know we are here to do a yoga teachers training. I know that we are in the birth place of yoga so even though I do not fully agree or implement all the philosophy in my life, I have to adapt and accept different things, BUT still I believe they know we are foreigners and not everyone is into deep yoga philosophy so he should be more respectful. I think I am not asking too much.

I am happy that I decided to stand up for my opinion and told him what I think. It felt strange the look he gave me followed by the word “Madam”. He says that we can express our point of view since it’s a philosophy class and in philosophy class one must discuss ideas, but the communication goes only one way. It is frustrating sometimes.

So after all these, I reminded myself what is the purpose of this experience in India. I might not like or agree with everything that is being said, but I came here with a purpose and that is to observe, to learn, to grow, to extend my limits and my view, to put myself into someone else’s shoes and in the end to open my eyes and LEARN.

On Eliade’s foot steps – Day 1 Rishikesh

April 15^th, 2015 ( Day 1)

Namaste from the country of Sir, Madam and holy cows! I am writing these lines from my room at AYM Rishikesh in the Himalayas. I arrived in New Delhi at 00:40 am but left the airport around 1:40 am after passport control, baggage pick up and freaking out that the driver from the school didn’t come to pick me up ( Eventually he was waiting in front of the airport and not at arrivals ). So we leave the airport and there starts the madness. I heard that the traffic in India is chaotic and that there are no rules but you need to “blow the horn please” (a message on the back of many cars and trucks I saw from Delhi to Rishikesh) BUT I couldn’t possibly imagine THIS! In these moments I feel extremely grateful for my Romanian background that allows to make fun of the situation when that is the only hope you have in that very moment. I cannot say I freaked out because I had a feeling the driver knows what he does, so “When in Rome…do like the romans do”.

The fatigue and the cultural shock is there, even though nothing surprise me. The basic knowledge I had about India contributed a lot in order not to freak out. I am aware that I have a large capacity to adapt to different situations and cultures but in the same time for the first time in my life I feel more western than ever.

On the way from the airport I could hardly fall asleep with the crazy traffic outside. Every time I would open my eyes I could see cars coming straight to our car and not being sure if we’ll get through that alive or not.

Then cows in the middle of the road (aka the gods), pigs eating garbage, monkeys, stray dogs, people doing their needs in an open field and the story goes on. Normality…

In the morning we had the opening ceremony which consists in chanting some mantras and making a fire place and throwing into the fire rice, purified butter, dried fruits and some other stuff with nutritious value. Why so? Because in order not to be disturbed to go to the toilet while meditating, yogis used to burn different stuff that can be brought to molecular form thus inhaling the gas and maintaining the physical body. The best example given by the teacher in order for us to believe that this actually working, it is that if you burn chili peppers you’ll see you can no longer stay in the room because of the spicy smell that spreads around. By burning these foods yogis not only fed themselves but other living beings benefit as well. I am writing here a little bit of what he explained it stays behind this practice.

Afterwards we had lunch which by the way it is adapted to western taste and it is not spicy. One big yay for today!

India is noisy but the place where I’m staying less noisy than the city center because of the location of the ashram. I can still hear a lot of cars, dogs and cows though…So I don’t want to imagine what would have been staying in the center for a Romanian that got used to Swedish lifestyle.

I never felt so alone and in the middle of nowhere as I feel now. I know I only have myself here even though apparently there are other people too that traveled half the world for exactly the same reason. This morning when I arrived in Rishikesh, the first thought was “Why the hell I came here? What am I doing here alone?” It’s the conflict between my values and their values. It’s being afraid of what it’s different and feeling so uncomfortable. I guess it is been quite long time since I was outside my comfort zone.

And now it starts raining! Wait a minute but there is no monsoon yet!

In the afternoon we had our first Hatha yoga class which consisted more in explaining different poses and common mistakes people do, alignment rules and what to do in order to avoid overstretching or to harm to your body when practicing the asanas. And then after the practice it was curry time again. The menu for dinner was rice, chapatti, pumpkin in some curry like sauce and of course lentils with curry.

I had so little food in the last 24 hours that I am surprised I am not starving. Maybe the heat outside also contributes to the fact that I am not that hungry.

And now I have go to sleep my darlings. Tomorrrow wake up at 6:30, 7 am meditation and then 2 hours of Ashtanga yoga, lecture, another lecture and hatha yoga in the evening. Crazy it’s not enough to describe how the first day in India felt…

Fall seven times,stand up eight

5 years ago in Trondheim when I could’t possibly guess what the future will bring

After a failed Ashtanga yoga home practice this afternoon ( I say failed because my mind couldn’t possibly be there and I mean what is yoga without being present?), I decided to have my girlish Saturday time and just relax. The journey is approaching and there are so many mixed feelings. It is some extreme happiness with sort of fear of the unknown.

But let’s come back to my girlish time. I love my beauty routine! It is absolutely amazing what Japanese traditional music, a hot bath and a face mask can do to you. I feel fresh and happy and suddenly I can see things more clearly.

Recently I went from an individual yoga practice to focusing on how should a teacher look at her students and try to help them deepen their own practice. It is a transition moment and as any transition you feel in between and sometimes confused. It is one thing to adjust yourself, it is a completely other thing to help other people adjust and see themselves. I looked on my teaching schedule and there are 17 sessions from mid-February until now. I have became so focused on working on my teaching skills that even though I have been practicing yoga and working out very often, my mind would always wander and ask itself what about this, what about that…

During my regular yoga classes at the gym I am more focused on the Swedish vocabulary the teacher is using and on how the students are aligned than looking at myself. Sometimes it is strange I can no longer just look at myself, but I see others as well. Since forever I have been like a sponge, always absorbing more and more and trying to deepen my knowledge and learn something new. All the preparations for this teaching course have thought me so many lessons and first of all they thought me to be strong and do not give up on my dream. I am not afraid of hard work, but I am afraid of living a life that was not intended to be for myself, a life where I take no risks. You need to take risks in order to develop yourself and you should never give up on your real self. Be real, be strong and dream big! This is what I say to myself.

My way

Here I am in our living room ( which meanwhile also became my temporary yoga studio), listening to one of ABBA’s famous songs because Hey! once in Sweden…I have this huge smile on my face and feeling so grateful and happy for having such a wonderful and inspirational man in my life, for daring to dream big and for giving 100% of my energy in order to fulfill that dream, my big dream.  I am grateful for my good friends who support me and understand the big step I’m taking forward. Thank you people for being there! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Today is the 27th of March and in 19 days I will be above the clouds on my way to Rishikesh, close to the Himalayas, in the Northern part of India. I am holding my passport in my hands, I look at the visa page and I almost cannot believe it…Oh my God! I am almost there!! I mean OMG I am going to be studying yoga in its birth place in the Himalayas!

This past  year was  the year of big changes some good, some more dramatic, but in the end that’s how life is supposed to be. Learning how to live without a father on this earth, but opening my eyes and seeing that even if it sounds like a cliche it’s just the pure truth “Love never dies”. Learning to build a new life and family with my dear husband in a new land. Rediscovering that only  something done with all my heart will make me fully happy. Learning to grow up and open my eyes wide and see the things that really matter. I’ve been working so hard in order to prepare myself for this yoga teaching course. Both my body and my mind have become stronger and I know now that I’ve never been a person who goes halves but one who gives 100% and fights, fights, fights in order to accomplish her dream. Nothing comes easily and if it would be like that would we really appreciate it to the fullest?

We are getting so close that it gets scary and that’s the first sign we are on the right path. Keep going I say to myself! If you do something with all your hearth and you work hard, it is impossible not to get something good out of it. It is impossible!

Cheers to new beginnings!